We all have our own ritual of getting ready for bed and what positions we sleep in. It isn't until you share a bed with someone or even a room that you learn to adjust your habits or get used to the other person's. What am I referring to? Brace yourself.
The Cover Stealer: Someone who either gets cold easily or is used to sleeping alone most of the time. This kind of behavior will often lead to a cover tug of war where you can only imagine what you'd be witnessing if there was a spy cam catching every move. Clepto.
The "Cocoon Monster": A stealer of not only covers but someone who completely enwraps their body with the covers. There's no winning this war. Typically the other person is stuck with a separate blanket or being cold the rest of the night. Ousted.
Snuggles: The cuddling type who can fall asleep soundly doing this with just about anyone. Someone who craves attention or just a warm body to wrap themselves around. Warm laundry. Mmmmmm.
Spooner: Someone who may enjoy forking but this can just be a more common version of snuggling only limited to one position. Kiss my neck?
Human Bubble: When you need your own space when you sleep. Someone else too close to you causes your temperature to increase, your body to go into a state of denial, and you get so frustrated you can't fall asleep that you need your own bubble. That's right, YOU stay on your side! Sit boo boo sit.
The Pet Parent: A cuddler, a snuggler, and someone who enjoys keeping their pets close and letting them rule the bed. The cats sit on your head, they curl up in your side, they paw at you, and wake you up when they move. But this person enjoys this and the closeness of someone warm. Or the opposite of the pet parent; stop creeping me out you evil staring cat!
Human Vacuums: This happens when you're sick sometimes but more often than not this is an issue for those with allergies or just nose issues. Sometimes they're breathing loudly, sometimes they're snoring, and sometimes they're so loud it's like a tornado. At least the tornado will pass where this type of snoring could last for hours. You would think someone would wake themselves up like this! Major suckage.
Wipe it up: Exhaustion. Mouth left open. Snoring. These lead to drooling. Just wait until you have the pleasure of drooling on someone else. Or waking up in a pile of your own on a wet pillow. No this is no wet dream.
Karate Kid: The kicker. The one who lashes out in the middle of the night and you want to punch them back because it hurt damnit. But it's not their fault and you know they didn't mean it but it does make sleeping in the same bed as that person difficult. I'll cut you!
Talk of the town: Mumbling incomprehensible sentences and words can be strange and awe inspiring. Someone who talks in their sleep is usually quite the dreamer and vocal about it. Too bad they're so hard to understand. My college Guatemalan roommate used to sit up and yell "Mierda!" or some other curse word.
Black out: The sleep walker. I've been fortunate enough I guess to never have witnessed nor experienced this. We all know what it's like to be walking around half asleep but to be completely in REM sleep and be walking around. Dangerous man. People fall off balconies and die.
I'm sure there are way more sleep habits I could describe but I'm hungover and not feeling so enlightened or interested in what I'm writing anymore.
Point of all this was simply that we all have our own habits, our own rituals, our own side of the bed, and when we have to share those habits our bodies sometimes react or they have to grow accustomed to the invasion. We all learn to adjust one way or another. Ain't love and friendship grand.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
TGIS (Translation: Thank Goodness it's Saturday)
Just a little ode to the days of TGIF on ABC :)
But this is about how I look forward to Saturday mornings. Not because of cartoons but because of FLAG FOOTBALL! Let me break it down for you.
Every Monday or Tuesday a reminder email goes out from a familiar outbox. The email reminds you of the rules and when the official email invitation will go out. Rules are as follows:
"CO-ED FLAG FOOTBALL RULES
4 spots will be held for females. Ideally we play 3 guys and 2 girls per team each week. This game is such a success BECAUSE of the females! It's competitive BUT not too competitive that people feel like they can't have fun. If you have any other female friends you'd like to invite, do it!
Sub Rotations - With the 1 sub per team policy we will rotate a sub player every change of possession. So basically everyone gets the same amount of playing time. It doesn't matter if you confirm first or last, this is the policy. Translation, you play 5 changes of possession, and then you rest for 1.
Confirming and not showing up = RUDE. Please don't do this. It's just... rude."
THURSDAY 3PM! It's confirmation email time!!! It's become so popular with spots filling within two hours that people have to email from their phones while they're driving, at work, in class, or working out. Not to mention if you're not on time or if you bail it's not only frowned upon but you could get BLACKLISTED! You don't want to be in that situation. Not to mention you don't want to get stuck as the all time sub. That just sucks the big one.
SO let's introduce some of the players shall we.
MARK A.K.A. "BASH": CHAZZ
Ladies, you're in luck if he's on your team. Not only does he ensure every girl gets to touch the ball and at least get to attempt a catch but he makes you feel like you are part of the team. BOOM! On a good day he may even have plays actually drawn on his arm because he's that hardcore. He's the guy who sends the email out every week and enforces all rules and true to his filmmaker style he brings a camera and captures video so he can create "Highlights" from the game.
JOHN: WILD THING
He is "that guy." You know what I'm talking about. The one who is crazy enough to introduce the idea of taking shots of tequila at 9:45AM which has now become a ritual before the game to get the blood flowing and during our "half time break." His hair is even true to his style as he pulls it back in a ponytail because really his hair is growing like the mane of a Lioness. Hear him ROAR!
SANDEEP: BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW
I had never heard this joke until the night before I played with Sandeep who proceeded to wear a brown shirt that says "Brown" on it. How perfect could it have been?! Brown man, brown shirt, and Brown University (no idea if he actually went there). This guy makes shit happen. He evokes seriousness. He's faster than a cheetah. He will make you run until you hurl. Embrace it.
LAFITTE: SEXY SEXY MAN
The man who's dressed all in white and is light on his feet. He broods true to his shirt that often appears on the field with the name "Sexy Sexy Man." It is he who looks at the camera and says "I will intercept this one." Too bad that attempt went awry and he looked at the camera like "Fuck" but hey, it could have happened. At least he didn't twist his ankle and have to sit out due to a prior Sand Volleyball injury. Weak.
ARI: RED RUN
I've never seen someone dressed in all red before unless it was a uniform or a woman in a red dress. But faster than a speeding bullet he will take the ball and make a run for it. He's not so keen on giving new players a chance as his rule of thumb is you have to earn his respect. BUT if you have, he will honor you with switching defenders just so he can guard you. It's a COMPETITION and HE WILL WIN and HE WILL SPIKE THE BALL ON THE GROUND IN YOUR FACE! Maybe someone should show him that SNL Short that Adam Samberg did... http://bit.ly/AD0Zx
JOE: RAINBOW BROCK
Meet Joe. The guy who wore a rainbow shirt two weeks in a row. Not so sure he even knows what that means! But his energy level is through the roof like he's just thrown back twenty pixy sticks. He still has the record for "Best catch" from the highlight video because he made it look like something out of the NFL. Perhaps his secret is he sees everything in heavily saturated colors. Joe not only sees the rainbow but he "tastes the rainbow." Somebody give that man a bag of skittles!
MATT: WAX ON WAX OFF
I would never want to get in a fight with this guy. He's like that guy who comes out of nowhere and kicks everyone's ass. But yet he may show up in a ditch somewhere wasted off his ass but still manage to make it to teaching kids how to kick a football and then show up and play flag football with us an hour later. Sleep is overrated. Go ahead Matt, show us how it's done.
DEREK: THE LUMBERJACK
The tallest guy on the field, this guy doesn't say much but you can only wonder what he's really thinking. He keeps showing up so he must enjoy the looniness. Maybe we're all characters in his screenplay or pilot. I mean I don't even know what to say except it would be an amazing site if Ari jumped up on his shoulders and tried to bring him down like a scene from "The Princess Bride" where Westley and the Giant, Fezzik, fight. I'd pay to see that.
MIKE: MAGIC HANDS
I swear he has one up on us all because he wears "Special" gloves. Not to mention I've had the pleasure of playing catch with his "Special" football with intense grippage. Is that even a word? I don't think so. Anyways, this Lindy Hop Dancing man makes us all want a piece of the "Special." Show me the SPECIAL!
Celina: GET NAILED
Women enjoy taking care of their nails and keeping them at "pretty" lengths. Playing sports doesn't always help with keeping them "pretty." BUT I've never encountered in all my life anyone with a nail as long as Celina's except from what I've seen in pictures from the Guiness Book of Records. Thank god she taped that shit down because I think she could have slit someone's throat with that. Too bad she's like the nicest person in the world and despite her long ass nail she would never hurt a fly even if someone rips the ball out of her possession. Oops, did I do that?!
Carly: HOT POTATO
This girl can catch, most of the time. Bobble, bobble, catch! Sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn't. BUT she's always smiling with a shot in hand. She is definitely part of Team Blonde. Somehow almost every girl that's ever shown up to football is a blonde. Graceful like a gazelle and a photographer, I think she should be bringing her damn camera so we can get some black and white action shots. That's Hot!
Rachelle: PIG PEN
I can fully attest that there are few who dare to play in mud over the age of mmmm ten. But Rachelle makes us all feel like we should be nostalgic of our youth and play in the mud. Too bad she's so easily distracted by someone yelling her name in the middle of a play that her offender takes off without her. :) I say this with a smile and fully knowing that she giggled uncontrollably after this happened. I wish I could spend a few minutes in her head just to see what she is really thinking.
There are so many more I'd love to mention but I fear I've run out of things to say and I've run out of time.
FLAG FOOTBALL is serious business.
But this is about how I look forward to Saturday mornings. Not because of cartoons but because of FLAG FOOTBALL! Let me break it down for you.
Every Monday or Tuesday a reminder email goes out from a familiar outbox. The email reminds you of the rules and when the official email invitation will go out. Rules are as follows:
"CO-ED FLAG FOOTBALL RULES
4 spots will be held for females. Ideally we play 3 guys and 2 girls per team each week. This game is such a success BECAUSE of the females! It's competitive BUT not too competitive that people feel like they can't have fun. If you have any other female friends you'd like to invite, do it!
Sub Rotations - With the 1 sub per team policy we will rotate a sub player every change of possession. So basically everyone gets the same amount of playing time. It doesn't matter if you confirm first or last, this is the policy. Translation, you play 5 changes of possession, and then you rest for 1.
Confirming and not showing up = RUDE. Please don't do this. It's just... rude."
THURSDAY 3PM! It's confirmation email time!!! It's become so popular with spots filling within two hours that people have to email from their phones while they're driving, at work, in class, or working out. Not to mention if you're not on time or if you bail it's not only frowned upon but you could get BLACKLISTED! You don't want to be in that situation. Not to mention you don't want to get stuck as the all time sub. That just sucks the big one.
SO let's introduce some of the players shall we.
MARK A.K.A. "BASH": CHAZZ
Ladies, you're in luck if he's on your team. Not only does he ensure every girl gets to touch the ball and at least get to attempt a catch but he makes you feel like you are part of the team. BOOM! On a good day he may even have plays actually drawn on his arm because he's that hardcore. He's the guy who sends the email out every week and enforces all rules and true to his filmmaker style he brings a camera and captures video so he can create "Highlights" from the game.
JOHN: WILD THING
He is "that guy." You know what I'm talking about. The one who is crazy enough to introduce the idea of taking shots of tequila at 9:45AM which has now become a ritual before the game to get the blood flowing and during our "half time break." His hair is even true to his style as he pulls it back in a ponytail because really his hair is growing like the mane of a Lioness. Hear him ROAR!
SANDEEP: BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW
I had never heard this joke until the night before I played with Sandeep who proceeded to wear a brown shirt that says "Brown" on it. How perfect could it have been?! Brown man, brown shirt, and Brown University (no idea if he actually went there). This guy makes shit happen. He evokes seriousness. He's faster than a cheetah. He will make you run until you hurl. Embrace it.
LAFITTE: SEXY SEXY MAN
The man who's dressed all in white and is light on his feet. He broods true to his shirt that often appears on the field with the name "Sexy Sexy Man." It is he who looks at the camera and says "I will intercept this one." Too bad that attempt went awry and he looked at the camera like "Fuck" but hey, it could have happened. At least he didn't twist his ankle and have to sit out due to a prior Sand Volleyball injury. Weak.
ARI: RED RUN
I've never seen someone dressed in all red before unless it was a uniform or a woman in a red dress. But faster than a speeding bullet he will take the ball and make a run for it. He's not so keen on giving new players a chance as his rule of thumb is you have to earn his respect. BUT if you have, he will honor you with switching defenders just so he can guard you. It's a COMPETITION and HE WILL WIN and HE WILL SPIKE THE BALL ON THE GROUND IN YOUR FACE! Maybe someone should show him that SNL Short that Adam Samberg did... http://bit.ly/AD0Zx
JOE: RAINBOW BROCK
Meet Joe. The guy who wore a rainbow shirt two weeks in a row. Not so sure he even knows what that means! But his energy level is through the roof like he's just thrown back twenty pixy sticks. He still has the record for "Best catch" from the highlight video because he made it look like something out of the NFL. Perhaps his secret is he sees everything in heavily saturated colors. Joe not only sees the rainbow but he "tastes the rainbow." Somebody give that man a bag of skittles!
MATT: WAX ON WAX OFF
I would never want to get in a fight with this guy. He's like that guy who comes out of nowhere and kicks everyone's ass. But yet he may show up in a ditch somewhere wasted off his ass but still manage to make it to teaching kids how to kick a football and then show up and play flag football with us an hour later. Sleep is overrated. Go ahead Matt, show us how it's done.
DEREK: THE LUMBERJACK
The tallest guy on the field, this guy doesn't say much but you can only wonder what he's really thinking. He keeps showing up so he must enjoy the looniness. Maybe we're all characters in his screenplay or pilot. I mean I don't even know what to say except it would be an amazing site if Ari jumped up on his shoulders and tried to bring him down like a scene from "The Princess Bride" where Westley and the Giant, Fezzik, fight. I'd pay to see that.
MIKE: MAGIC HANDS
I swear he has one up on us all because he wears "Special" gloves. Not to mention I've had the pleasure of playing catch with his "Special" football with intense grippage. Is that even a word? I don't think so. Anyways, this Lindy Hop Dancing man makes us all want a piece of the "Special." Show me the SPECIAL!
Celina: GET NAILED
Women enjoy taking care of their nails and keeping them at "pretty" lengths. Playing sports doesn't always help with keeping them "pretty." BUT I've never encountered in all my life anyone with a nail as long as Celina's except from what I've seen in pictures from the Guiness Book of Records. Thank god she taped that shit down because I think she could have slit someone's throat with that. Too bad she's like the nicest person in the world and despite her long ass nail she would never hurt a fly even if someone rips the ball out of her possession. Oops, did I do that?!
Carly: HOT POTATO
This girl can catch, most of the time. Bobble, bobble, catch! Sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn't. BUT she's always smiling with a shot in hand. She is definitely part of Team Blonde. Somehow almost every girl that's ever shown up to football is a blonde. Graceful like a gazelle and a photographer, I think she should be bringing her damn camera so we can get some black and white action shots. That's Hot!
Rachelle: PIG PEN
I can fully attest that there are few who dare to play in mud over the age of mmmm ten. But Rachelle makes us all feel like we should be nostalgic of our youth and play in the mud. Too bad she's so easily distracted by someone yelling her name in the middle of a play that her offender takes off without her. :) I say this with a smile and fully knowing that she giggled uncontrollably after this happened. I wish I could spend a few minutes in her head just to see what she is really thinking.
There are so many more I'd love to mention but I fear I've run out of things to say and I've run out of time.
FLAG FOOTBALL is serious business.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Questioning Everything
1) What makes you happy?
A hobby, good company, someone special, a smile, a job, money, stability, being wreckless, kids, volunteering, being with people you care about, a hug, a laugh, sleep, accomplishment, success, feeling something, screaming, traveling???
What does happy even mean? Dictionary.com says...
hap⋅py [hap-ee]
–adjective, -pi⋅er, -pi⋅est.
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.
So basically, if I'm lucky or get to see someone special or feel good then I'm happy? I think there's just too much involved to truly sum it up like this.
2) What is love?
A feeling, caring, sharing, attachment, sex, happiness, affection, desire, connection, being happy?
Dictionary.com says...
love [luhv]
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
Can love really be summed up in 14 ways? And I'm discounting #13 as I could care less about Tennis. Sorry people.
How do you really know if you're "in love"?
At least the movies "Paper Heart," "500 Days of Summer," and the "The Notebook" address it. But don't think these will explain it all.
3) What is faith? (And I'm not just talking about religion)
A devout belief, trust, fantasy, something intangible, loyalty, trust, love?
Dictionary.com says...
faith [feyth]
–noun
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.
—Idiom
9. in faith, in truth; indeed: In faith, he is a fine lad.
Three words that we all use whether it's their synonyms or these words themselves. BUT do we really understand what they mean or use them properly? I throw these words around like they're water. Especially the L word. I mean I can say "I love string cheese." But really what I mean is I like eating string cheese but I'm not going to feel too bad if it goes bad in the fridge or I throw half of it away or someone takes it from me. It's just cheese. If I say "I'm so happy to see you." Am I really happy about it or am I just saying it's good to see that person after several weeks or months and they put a smile on my face because it's someone I care about. That might make me happy for a brief moment sure. But then we get into happiness. The epitome of being happy most of the time as most of the parts of our life including family, friends, significant other, career, and hobbies are all adding to our lives in positive ways.
We've been groomed as humans to have "faith" in "love" and "happiness." This is what we hope to achieve. This is what we live for ultimately right? BUT when is it enough? When can you say "Well I have all the love I could ever need and all the happiness in the world so I'm good thanks. No more." I can't say I've ever heard anyone say that and truly mean it. It's usually the old, "Well I can't complain!" In other words, things can always be better. We all strive for better usually. We should strive for better. To better ourselves will make us better in the end and that end is not death, but in the end of that brief period of time where the cycle ends and begins again.
So what can I leave you with? Question everything because it will only strengthen whatever you ultimately seek.
A hobby, good company, someone special, a smile, a job, money, stability, being wreckless, kids, volunteering, being with people you care about, a hug, a laugh, sleep, accomplishment, success, feeling something, screaming, traveling???
What does happy even mean? Dictionary.com says...
hap⋅py [hap-ee]
–adjective, -pi⋅er, -pi⋅est.
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.
So basically, if I'm lucky or get to see someone special or feel good then I'm happy? I think there's just too much involved to truly sum it up like this.
2) What is love?
A feeling, caring, sharing, attachment, sex, happiness, affection, desire, connection, being happy?
Dictionary.com says...
love [luhv]
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
Can love really be summed up in 14 ways? And I'm discounting #13 as I could care less about Tennis. Sorry people.
How do you really know if you're "in love"?
At least the movies "Paper Heart," "500 Days of Summer," and the "The Notebook" address it. But don't think these will explain it all.
3) What is faith? (And I'm not just talking about religion)
A devout belief, trust, fantasy, something intangible, loyalty, trust, love?
Dictionary.com says...
faith [feyth]
–noun
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.
—Idiom
9. in faith, in truth; indeed: In faith, he is a fine lad.
Three words that we all use whether it's their synonyms or these words themselves. BUT do we really understand what they mean or use them properly? I throw these words around like they're water. Especially the L word. I mean I can say "I love string cheese." But really what I mean is I like eating string cheese but I'm not going to feel too bad if it goes bad in the fridge or I throw half of it away or someone takes it from me. It's just cheese. If I say "I'm so happy to see you." Am I really happy about it or am I just saying it's good to see that person after several weeks or months and they put a smile on my face because it's someone I care about. That might make me happy for a brief moment sure. But then we get into happiness. The epitome of being happy most of the time as most of the parts of our life including family, friends, significant other, career, and hobbies are all adding to our lives in positive ways.
We've been groomed as humans to have "faith" in "love" and "happiness." This is what we hope to achieve. This is what we live for ultimately right? BUT when is it enough? When can you say "Well I have all the love I could ever need and all the happiness in the world so I'm good thanks. No more." I can't say I've ever heard anyone say that and truly mean it. It's usually the old, "Well I can't complain!" In other words, things can always be better. We all strive for better usually. We should strive for better. To better ourselves will make us better in the end and that end is not death, but in the end of that brief period of time where the cycle ends and begins again.
So what can I leave you with? Question everything because it will only strengthen whatever you ultimately seek.
Favorite Poems and Literature
I was just reminded the other night how much I loved reading Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal." Satire people. It's awesome!
http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
Not to mention I grew up in love with the movie "Anne of Green Gables." (Yes I was an interesting child. Come on, my first word was "hot.") So due to this, if memory serves me right, my favorite ballad was always, "The Lady of Shalott" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. http://charon.sfsu.edu/TENNYSON/TENNLADY.html
Funny how so much can be said in such short eloquent phrases or hidden in satire. Just wanted to share my nostalgia.
http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
Not to mention I grew up in love with the movie "Anne of Green Gables." (Yes I was an interesting child. Come on, my first word was "hot.") So due to this, if memory serves me right, my favorite ballad was always, "The Lady of Shalott" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. http://charon.sfsu.edu/TENNYSON/TENNLADY.html
Funny how so much can be said in such short eloquent phrases or hidden in satire. Just wanted to share my nostalgia.
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Gentleman vs. The Prick
You head to your friend's house party. Before you make it you have to stop at the grocer to pick up some "Adult Soda" or some ice or maybe some snacks per your friend's request. In any case, you make your purchases and load your car up heading off to your friend's. You contemplate calling your friend for help from your car because you bought the twenty pound bag of ice that was cheaper than buying several smaller bags and you opted for the 36 pack rather than the 24 pack of beer because it too was cheaper or on sale rather. But instead you decide you're a strong woman and you can carry it all by yourself. It's not that far. As you make it to their door you're like oh wow I may drop this. The ice is busted open at the top from when you almost dropped it or maybe when you pulled it from your car. Your fingers are aching because the cardboard from the beer box or the grocery bag handles are digging into your skin by your wrist. You're thinking, "That's gonna leave a mark." But despite that factor you're at their door knocking. You hear the routine "Come in." Of course you're thinking, "Hey assholes I can't open the door with my hands full but fine I'll figure it out. You open the door and everyone either just stares at you as you waddle in hoping you don't drop everything right there as you're perspiring and wishing someone would come help you and take away some of the items in your hands. Instead, one of your friends just says hey and you hurry over to a wall to drop the items. Now there's a brief moment there where a true gentleman or gentle woman would come try to help you and at least offer or hold the door or something. A prick of any kind will just watch you suffer or try to see who's at the door and literally walk away from you.
You're not alone. This happens all the time in LA. It's like guys here left their manners back east or in the south or maybe they never learned. I mean WTF?! Help a girl out. Maybe it's time everyone got a reality check and remembered that something as simple as holding a door open for the next person behind you or just paying forward an act of kindness is worth the smile and thank you you get back. What have you done for a stranger lately?
You're not alone. This happens all the time in LA. It's like guys here left their manners back east or in the south or maybe they never learned. I mean WTF?! Help a girl out. Maybe it's time everyone got a reality check and remembered that something as simple as holding a door open for the next person behind you or just paying forward an act of kindness is worth the smile and thank you you get back. What have you done for a stranger lately?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Whoopsy Daisy
In the past couple weeks I can't tell you how many times I've found myself referencing a string of "accidents" I had in middle school. Where to begin? Can't really remember what happened first but here it goes.
Sixth grade P.E. class in the new gym. That's what we called it because the old gym was well from like the 60s with neck high bleachers and it was well small in comparison with a dirty ass floor. Talk about dirtying up your knee pads that had suddenly turned black. We were playing on two small scale courts. You know where there's four goals on the two sides by the bleachers so you can play two games at once. Anyways, I was running backwards to get back on defense and this girl stopped as I turned to run into her falling to the floor. BOOM my teeth hit head on with the floor and I catch two pieces in my right hand. Breathing hard from running and weirded out because I just caught pieces of my teeth in my hand, all I can feel is cold air hitting my front teeth where it feels like my teeth are enduring Arctic air.
One blurred walk to the infirmary and a call to my parents leads to another call to my dentist who is unavailable. Luckily my dad knows a guy who used to be his dentist and works out of his home. Too bad this is the guy who was the magician that performed at my sister's birthday party a year or so earlier. My mother tells it like the parents that showed up were a bit concerned for their children with his adult commentary but he had doves fly out of a hat. Maybe he'd make my teeth fly back into my mouth good as new. Ironic part about all this was I'd been to my dentist just days earlier and she had brought in another dentist just to brag about how great my teeth looked and how beautiful a smile I had. Thanks a lot for setting up that jinx lady.
Looking in the mirror of my dad's passenger side seat I admire the large gap in my front teeth where my teeth broke diagonally leaving a big triangle shape in their wake. He's worried as I'm sure my mother put him through hell since he was closer from work than her from home and getting me to his dentist to save my roots and thus save me the pain. We arrive and honestly I didn't really feel much pain. It was just a weird feeling to not have complete front teeth. My Dad and I enter Doc's house. That's what my Dad calls him and that's all I've ever known him as. Doc and his eccentric life with his lovely wife. We enter through the living room and down the stairs we go into Doc's lair. I still remember the smell of smoke as he was a big smoker which is really such an appropriate habit of a dentist. I mean it's odd enough when your dentist has yellowing teeth and his breath smells like an ash tray. His dentistry certificates and diplomas line the wall as he sits me in his chair. One thing leads to another and he shoots me up with a couple novacaine shots where I can't feel the entire lower part of my face from the nose down to my neck.
Doc's oversized hands go to work as he breathes heavily in my mouth as I hold back gagging noises. Poor Doc probably never had a clue how horrified I was that afternoon. But in any case I made it out alive. Only I came out with temporary adult size caps until he could get the ones he took a mold for. Talk about the worst yearbook photos ever. That's right it was like having two chiclets for teeth. You know that gum, I mean you can see from the pic above. But let me just segway to reference that having a mother with three brothers and two sisters who were mostly older leads to a mother who loves to tease her children endlessly. So who do you think started the chiclets comments which will never end to this day. I mean we're talking about the years in your life where you're most self conscious and insecure. Hello?! Puberty! Boys! Hormones! Anyways, after the new installation of my chiclets, I got to enjoy a magic show. I mean who doesn't want a magic show with doves appearing out of a hat with a numb face and shock from the trauma of such an eventful afternoon?! I mean I had a whole entire visit to look forward to the next time once the real caps had come in from the molds he'd taken.
Lucky for me, after college I got my fancy porcelain teeth that at least look somewhat natural and aren't as oversized and bucked out as before.
Hmmm what was next. Oh right. Most shit happens in threes right? I mean you have one bad incident and then two follow leading to what you can only hope will be a period of luck after that. This was my seventh grade year in a nutshell.
It began with a visit to my Mom's art class or where she basically helped teach art to elder individuals. My sister and I were riding with her and probably just picking up some of her art works. It was early and I was exhausted from who knows what and what do I do but slam my thumb in the car door. Ouch. Talk about annoying and painful. I think I cried because I was so pissed at what an idiot I was. A week later I'm playing volleyball and for those of you who know the game I was on the back line because I was good at digs. We're playing the middle school of which I knew most of the players because I played softball with them in the summertime. So my friend Courtney is serving and well, softball players are known to have killer serves. She served a floater which curves as it shoots onto our side like a bullet and the eighth grader goes for it with me giving her coverage just as she backs off at the last minute and I go for it half assed and half shocked she didn't go for it. Wow. I look down and my right thumb, the one I slammed in the car door with a black thumbnail is now pushed behind my other four fingers. Rushing me to the school's trainer I sit there looking at my thumb on the other side and out of joint. It was kind of like something out of a bad horror movie. Poor Courtney feels all bad because she knows me and I'm just sitting there shocked, disgusted, and in pain from the jolt and bummed I can't keep playing.
My mom rushes me to the ER at Vanderbilt. We sit there for hours as my thumb, now numb from the pain just chills while we watch people rushing by as I guess there was a bad car accident causing me to sit there longer. Finally we get into a room with none other than Dr. Love. Talk about one hell of a Doctor's name. It was like out of Days of Our Lives or Grey's Anatomy. Oh McDreamy! Seriously he's dreamy! I've seen him in person at LAX! So Dr. Love says he'll put my thumb back in place as it's dislocated and I have the option of a shot to numb me or he can just reset it right there. At this point I'm so numb and just want it to look normal again I opt for resetting as soon as possible. CRACK! Oh that's much better. Then it's time to put my arm in a cast. Good times. Talk about itchy and wow what a smell when that thing finally came off. You all know what I'm talking about if you've ever had the pleasure of enduring a cast.
But rewind, I'm at school with a black cast and matching black thumbnail and decide it's a great idea to play basketball in P.E., again, but this time in the old gym. Smaller courts and small bleachers, remember. We're playing coed and the P.E. coaches don't notice that I should be sitting out and instead I'm playing. I mean what could happen? I'm going up for a lay up and one of the guys is stupid enough to push me and what happens, I bounce into the bleachers and ricochet off like a rag doll. Probably resembled a skit from the Looney Tunes or Robot Chicken. I believe I was knocked out for a few minutes as I remember coming to looking at Coach E, our high school basketball coach who coached me in AAU basketball and was also our P.E. teacher. There must have been blood everywhere because he looked horrified as my peers and friends stand over me gawking and the right side of my face is pounding. Back to the infirmary I go and you can imagine how pleased my parents must have been to receive this call. Luckily the school nurse knows a great plastic surgeon in the area as my parents are both there and take me over themselves. All I really remember from this was being wide awake with classical music playing in the background as my parents sit watching as this Surgeon guy stitches me up with those dissolving stitches that itch and make you want to just rip them out. I mean it was cool for a little while as it looked like I got beat up and I could say I won but in a nutshell it pretty much made that year hell as I couldn't play sports and I wanted to just cut off the right side of my body and start over.
What was the saying from Forrest Gump? SHIT HAPPENS.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Do the Limbo!
Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
Limbo lower now
Limbo lower now
How low can you go
First you spread your limbo feet
Then you move to limbo beat
Limbo ankolimboneee,
Bend back like a limbo tree
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
la la la etc (instead of instrumental break)
Get yourself a limbo girl
Give that chic a limbo whirl
There's a limbo moon above
You will fall in limbo love
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
Don't move that limbo bar
You'll be a limbo star
How low can you go
http://www.weddingvendors.com/music/lyrics/c/chubby-checker/limbo-rock/
How is it that this is so relevant to well life?! I mean I don't know about you but it sucks when you go as low as you can go and you get stuck under the stick and go where no one has gone before, yet. Either you make it through unscathed or you knock the limbo stick down and better luck next time. I guess religious nuts might think this game is blasphemy considering limbo is being stuck between heaven and hell or in some religions actually a division of hell or outer circle. Isn't that why we have ghosts? Where are the Ghostbusters when you need 'em.
Imagine you're life completely up in the air, stuck between a rock and a hard place or just stuck. More simply you're feeling like a nomad with no place to call home whether it's a place, a person, a group of people, work, and/or school. You're probably just thinking, "What? Isn't that what happens when you're homeless?" Um, literally maybe but no. Point is, have you ever felt like all aspects of your life were just stuck or going back and forth without a solution or sense of stability. Of course you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't experienced this well you're just lying to yourself. Maybe you're in the "limbo of admission." What do you do when you're living in limbo?! Don't ask me, I'm just writing this.
Ask your magic 8 ball! It could be any of the 20 answers:
● As I see it, yes
● It is certain
● It is decidedly so
● Most likely
● Outlook good
● Signs point to yes
● Without a doubt
● Yes
● Yes - definitely
● You may rely on it
● Reply hazy, try again
● Ask again later
● Better not tell you now
● Cannot predict now
● Concentrate and ask again
● Don't count on it
● My reply is no
● My sources say no
● Outlook not so good
● Very doubtful
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_8-Ball
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
Limbo lower now
Limbo lower now
How low can you go
First you spread your limbo feet
Then you move to limbo beat
Limbo ankolimboneee,
Bend back like a limbo tree
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
la la la etc (instead of instrumental break)
Get yourself a limbo girl
Give that chic a limbo whirl
There's a limbo moon above
You will fall in limbo love
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
Don't move that limbo bar
You'll be a limbo star
How low can you go
http://www.weddingvendors.com/music/lyrics/c/chubby-checker/limbo-rock/
How is it that this is so relevant to well life?! I mean I don't know about you but it sucks when you go as low as you can go and you get stuck under the stick and go where no one has gone before, yet. Either you make it through unscathed or you knock the limbo stick down and better luck next time. I guess religious nuts might think this game is blasphemy considering limbo is being stuck between heaven and hell or in some religions actually a division of hell or outer circle. Isn't that why we have ghosts? Where are the Ghostbusters when you need 'em.
Imagine you're life completely up in the air, stuck between a rock and a hard place or just stuck. More simply you're feeling like a nomad with no place to call home whether it's a place, a person, a group of people, work, and/or school. You're probably just thinking, "What? Isn't that what happens when you're homeless?" Um, literally maybe but no. Point is, have you ever felt like all aspects of your life were just stuck or going back and forth without a solution or sense of stability. Of course you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't experienced this well you're just lying to yourself. Maybe you're in the "limbo of admission." What do you do when you're living in limbo?! Don't ask me, I'm just writing this.
Ask your magic 8 ball! It could be any of the 20 answers:
● As I see it, yes
● It is certain
● It is decidedly so
● Most likely
● Outlook good
● Signs point to yes
● Without a doubt
● Yes
● Yes - definitely
● You may rely on it
● Reply hazy, try again
● Ask again later
● Better not tell you now
● Cannot predict now
● Concentrate and ask again
● Don't count on it
● My reply is no
● My sources say no
● Outlook not so good
● Very doubtful
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_8-Ball
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