TGIS (Translation: Thank Goodness it's Saturday)

Just a little ode to the days of TGIF on ABC :)

But this is about how I look forward to Saturday mornings. Not because of cartoons but because of FLAG FOOTBALL! Let me break it down for you.

Every Monday or Tuesday a reminder email goes out from a familiar outbox. The email reminds you of the rules and when the official email invitation will go out. Rules are as follows:

"CO-ED FLAG FOOTBALL RULES
4 spots will be held for females. Ideally we play 3 guys and 2 girls per team each week. This game is such a success BECAUSE of the females! It's competitive BUT not too competitive that people feel like they can't have fun. If you have any other female friends you'd like to invite, do it!

Sub Rotations - With the 1 sub per team policy we will rotate a sub player every change of possession. So basically everyone gets the same amount of playing time. It doesn't matter if you confirm first or last, this is the policy. Translation, you play 5 changes of possession, and then you rest for 1.

Confirming and not showing up = RUDE. Please don't do this. It's just... rude."

THURSDAY 3PM! It's confirmation email time!!! It's become so popular with spots filling within two hours that people have to email from their phones while they're driving, at work, in class, or working out. Not to mention if you're not on time or if you bail it's not only frowned upon but you could get BLACKLISTED! You don't want to be in that situation. Not to mention you don't want to get stuck as the all time sub. That just sucks the big one.

SO let's introduce some of the players shall we.


MARK A.K.A. "BASH": CHAZZ

Ladies, you're in luck if he's on your team. Not only does he ensure every girl gets to touch the ball and at least get to attempt a catch but he makes you feel like you are part of the team. BOOM! On a good day he may even have plays actually drawn on his arm because he's that hardcore. He's the guy who sends the email out every week and enforces all rules and true to his filmmaker style he brings a camera and captures video so he can create "Highlights" from the game.

JOHN: WILD THING

He is "that guy." You know what I'm talking about. The one who is crazy enough to introduce the idea of taking shots of tequila at 9:45AM which has now become a ritual before the game to get the blood flowing and during our "half time break." His hair is even true to his style as he pulls it back in a ponytail because really his hair is growing like the mane of a Lioness. Hear him ROAR!

SANDEEP: BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW

I had never heard this joke until the night before I played with Sandeep who proceeded to wear a brown shirt that says "Brown" on it. How perfect could it have been?! Brown man, brown shirt, and Brown University (no idea if he actually went there). This guy makes shit happen. He evokes seriousness. He's faster than a cheetah. He will make you run until you hurl. Embrace it.

LAFITTE: SEXY SEXY MAN

The man who's dressed all in white and is light on his feet. He broods true to his shirt that often appears on the field with the name "Sexy Sexy Man." It is he who looks at the camera and says "I will intercept this one." Too bad that attempt went awry and he looked at the camera like "Fuck" but hey, it could have happened. At least he didn't twist his ankle and have to sit out due to a prior Sand Volleyball injury. Weak.

ARI: RED RUN

I've never seen someone dressed in all red before unless it was a uniform or a woman in a red dress. But faster than a speeding bullet he will take the ball and make a run for it. He's not so keen on giving new players a chance as his rule of thumb is you have to earn his respect. BUT if you have, he will honor you with switching defenders just so he can guard you. It's a COMPETITION and HE WILL WIN and HE WILL SPIKE THE BALL ON THE GROUND IN YOUR FACE! Maybe someone should show him that SNL Short that Adam Samberg did... http://bit.ly/AD0Zx

JOE: RAINBOW BROCK

Meet Joe. The guy who wore a rainbow shirt two weeks in a row. Not so sure he even knows what that means! But his energy level is through the roof like he's just thrown back twenty pixy sticks. He still has the record for "Best catch" from the highlight video because he made it look like something out of the NFL. Perhaps his secret is he sees everything in heavily saturated colors. Joe not only sees the rainbow but he "tastes the rainbow." Somebody give that man a bag of skittles!

MATT: WAX ON WAX OFF

I would never want to get in a fight with this guy. He's like that guy who comes out of nowhere and kicks everyone's ass. But yet he may show up in a ditch somewhere wasted off his ass but still manage to make it to teaching kids how to kick a football and then show up and play flag football with us an hour later. Sleep is overrated. Go ahead Matt, show us how it's done.

DEREK: THE LUMBERJACK

The tallest guy on the field, this guy doesn't say much but you can only wonder what he's really thinking. He keeps showing up so he must enjoy the looniness. Maybe we're all characters in his screenplay or pilot. I mean I don't even know what to say except it would be an amazing site if Ari jumped up on his shoulders and tried to bring him down like a scene from "The Princess Bride" where Westley and the Giant, Fezzik, fight. I'd pay to see that.

MIKE: MAGIC HANDS

I swear he has one up on us all because he wears "Special" gloves. Not to mention I've had the pleasure of playing catch with his "Special" football with intense grippage. Is that even a word? I don't think so. Anyways, this Lindy Hop Dancing man makes us all want a piece of the "Special." Show me the SPECIAL!

Celina: GET NAILED

Women enjoy taking care of their nails and keeping them at "pretty" lengths. Playing sports doesn't always help with keeping them "pretty." BUT I've never encountered in all my life anyone with a nail as long as Celina's except from what I've seen in pictures from the Guiness Book of Records. Thank god she taped that shit down because I think she could have slit someone's throat with that. Too bad she's like the nicest person in the world and despite her long ass nail she would never hurt a fly even if someone rips the ball out of her possession. Oops, did I do that?!

Carly: HOT POTATO

This girl can catch, most of the time. Bobble, bobble, catch! Sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn't. BUT she's always smiling with a shot in hand. She is definitely part of Team Blonde. Somehow almost every girl that's ever shown up to football is a blonde. Graceful like a gazelle and a photographer, I think she should be bringing her damn camera so we can get some black and white action shots. That's Hot!

Rachelle: PIG PEN

I can fully attest that there are few who dare to play in mud over the age of mmmm ten. But Rachelle makes us all feel like we should be nostalgic of our youth and play in the mud. Too bad she's so easily distracted by someone yelling her name in the middle of a play that her offender takes off without her. :) I say this with a smile and fully knowing that she giggled uncontrollably after this happened. I wish I could spend a few minutes in her head just to see what she is really thinking.


There are so many more I'd love to mention but I fear I've run out of things to say and I've run out of time.

FLAG FOOTBALL is serious business.